One of the best things about being an F is how tender-hearted we are. And one of the hardest things about being an F is how tender-hearted we are!
Like all F’s I seek harmony. And when one of my co-workers or loved ones is in a bad mood it’s really difficult not take it personally. My natural tendency is to make it about myself – “What did I do?” or “Why is he being so mean to me?” But this is a form of self-absorption, we’re focused on our reaction, on how we feel, rather than what’s happening with the other person. We need to shift the question from “Why is he picking on me?” to “What’s going on with him that’s upset him so much?”
Some tips for dealing with others’ upsets:
- Shift your attention from how you feel about the situation by getting curious about what’s happening with the other person.
- Don’t take their moods personally, even if they lash out at you or blame you – it’s not about you, it’s about them.
- Don’t take on their pain. Your compassion helps, your hurting along with them doesn’t.
- Don’t try to fix or soothe them – you can’t. Telling someone the “look at the bright side” or to “feel better” doesn’t do anything except minimize their emotions.
- It can be really draining to spend time with someone who is dealing with a prolonged issue, so be sure to take care of yourself. Give yourself a break and schedule fun time with friends or other family members to help you not get sucked in to the negativity.
I know, all this is easier said than done. But it benefits everyone when you can provide a supportive, calm and grounded environment when someone close to you is upset – I like to think of it as giving the gift of being strong when they’re at their weakest.
So all you F’s out there, protect that tender heart by keeping it full of love, compassion and the kindness that comes so naturally to you.