One of the best things about being an F is how tender-hearted we are. And one of the hardest things about being an F is how tender-hearted we are!
Like all F’s I seek harmony. And when one of my co-workers or loved ones is in a bad mood it’s really difficult not take it personally. My natural tendency is to make it about myself – “What did I do?” or “Why is he being so mean to me?” But this is a form of self-absorption, we’re focused on our reaction, on how we feel, rather than what’s happening with the other person. We need to shift the question from “Why is he picking on me?” to “What’s going on with him that’s upset him so much?”
Some tips for dealing with others’ upsets:
- Shift your attention from how you feel about the situation by getting curious about what’s happening with the other person.
- Don’t take their moods personally, even if they lash out at you or blame you – it’s not about you, it’s about them.
- Don’t take on their pain. Your compassion helps, your hurting along with them doesn’t.
- Don’t try to fix or soothe them – you can’t. Telling someone the “look at the bright side” or to “feel better” doesn’t do anything except minimize their emotions.
- It can be really draining to spend time with someone who is dealing with a prolonged issue, so be sure to take care of yourself. Give yourself a break and schedule fun time with friends or other family members to help you not get sucked in to the negativity.
I know, all this is easier said than done. But it benefits everyone when you can provide a supportive, calm and grounded environment when someone close to you is upset – I like to think of it as giving the gift of being strong when they’re at their weakest.
So all you F’s out there, protect that tender heart by keeping it full of love, compassion and the kindness that comes so naturally to you.
2 thoughts on “Ouch, My “F”ing Heart”
I’m a J and I love the presented “order” in which you explained things. I always blame myself. It drains me inside and out to know something is wrong with someone close to me and them not tell me.Some people like to use inuendos or teach u a lesson when they’re upset but won’t verbalie their problem or won’t admit there is a problem.Others don’t realize how damaging and draining that is to a J. Eventually when I can find no solution to a problem I can’t identify, I have to get completely away from that person. I don’t have a choice. I cannot function mentally or physically after a prolonged episode of negativity. People need to know that J’s should definitely make the effort but once the physical symptoms and health issues arise, make it about yourself and leave the situation for everyone’s sake. Helping others can only be taken so far 🙂
TR – thanks so much for your comments! I know that it can be hard to deal with other’s emotions for us sensitive folks. And I don’t think it’s selfish when we remove ourselves from negative situations as long as we remain compassionate when we do it.